Nicole Blackman

[pjcop.livejournal.com]

WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
(and other holidays where we speak of dead men)
Nicole Blackman

I want to know how it will end.
I want to be sure of what it will cost.
I want to strangle the stars for all they promised me.
I want you to call me on your drug phone.
I want to keep you alive so there is always the possibility of murder later.
I want to be there when you learn the cost of desire.
I want you to understand that my malevolence is just a way to win.
I want the name of the ruiner.
I want matches in case I have to suddenly burn.
I want you to know that being kind is overrated.
I want to measure how much torture we can stand.
I want to know where your altruism went.
I want to watch you lose control.
I want to watch you lose.
I want to know exactly what it's going to take.

I want to see you insert yourself into glory.
I want your touches to scar me so I'll know where you've been.
I want you to watch when I go down in flames.
I want to crush the thing you love just so you kno w I can.
I want a list of atrocities done in your name.
I want to work both sides of the fence.
I want to have two cats so when one dies one will eat the other
- and nothing will be wasted.
I want to reach my hand into the dark and feel what reaches back.
I want you to turn tender when you have the time.
I want to remember when my nightmares were clearer.
I want to be there when your hot black rage rips wide open.
I want to find a way for you to survive all this.
I want to taste my own kind.
I want America to be socialized around creation instead of fear.
I want to meet your host virus.
I want to charm your sleep captain.
I want everyone to see the tiara break.
I want to be wrapped in cold wet sheets to see if it's different on this side.
I want you to play it to me over the phone.
I want you to make a scorching debut.
I want you to come on strong.
I want the television left on so I can sleep.
I want to crunch the numbers.
I want you to write your life story and leave me out of it.
I want to write my secret across your sky.
I want to keep you in the dark.
I want to leave you out in the cold.
I want to voice my concerns.
I want the exact same thing but different.
I want some soft drugs, some soft soft drugs.
I want to throw you.
I want to know if I'll ever be safe in the dark.
I want to decide who next year's dead rock stars will be.
I want you to know I know.
I want to speak hot metal fluently.
I want to know why you're starting to look like the last one.
I want just enough rope to hang you.
I want to hurt myself before you do, because I can do it better.
I want to coax the keys from your hand.
I want to throttle the bottle blonde because I know what she did.
I want to know if you read me.
I want to swing with my eyes shut and see what I hit.
I want to silver your hands.
I want to know just how much you hate me so I can pr edict what you'll do.
I want you to know the wounds are self-inflicted.
I want a controlling interest.
I want to be somewhere beautiful when I die.
I want to be your secret hater.
I want to stop destroying you but I can't.
I want and I want and I want and I will always be hungry.

Comments

thank you!

[geosh.livejournal.com]

ggaaahhhh!!!!!! amazing!

immediate favs: (but again really the everything all of it)

"I want to have two cats so when one dies one will eat the other
- and nothing will be wasted.
I want to reach my hand into the dark and feel what reaches back."

"I want just enough rope to hang you."

"I want to know just how much you hate me so I can pr edict what you'll do.
I want you to know the wounds are self-inflicted.
I want a controlling interest.
I want to be somewhere beautiful when I die."

"I want to stop destroying you but I can't."

[tears-of-nienna.livejournal.com]

I want to have two cats so when one dies one will eat the other
- and nothing will be wasted.

...But who's going to eat the second cat? ;)

[tears-of-nienna.livejournal.com]

With catsup, I imagine?

[writtenbyhand.livejournal.com]

This is amazing!

[bloodrebel333.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's strange; I have a different version of this poem (http://bloodrebel333.livejournal.com/201565.html), apparently. Maybe this is the new, edited version and mine's an older one?

[pjcop.livejournal.com]

http://earpollution.com/vol2/oct00/profiles/nicoleblackman/nicoleblackman.html

Nicole Blackman explained this in an interview.

Q: I noticed that "All I Want for Christmas" is different than "Want" on the Liquid album.

Nicole: That's because there are two different "Want" pieces. I had written "Want" as its own piece--which was pretty dark--and Ray over at Zero Hour had heard that one. I decided to do sort of a funny version of that [for his record]. Originally there was "Want"--"All I Want for Christmas (And Other Holidays Where We Speak of Dead Men)"--and the Christmas piece, which didn't end up in the book because we had to cut some things out. It works better live than it does on the page so I didn't mind losing that one. The track on the Recoil record was the only one that was adapted from existing text. It was sort of rolling around in my head when Alan [Wilder] gave me the track. It had never been recorded before so I didn't mind using it. It became a very different piece.

[longtime-lurker.livejournal.com]

I really like this, thanks.

[fallingxslowly.livejournal.com]

"I want you to write your life story and leave me out of it."

Wow.

[be-bedeski.livejournal.com]

that`s how i feel. exactly.

[archethereal.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I hate Nicole Blackman.

I want to be a pretentious cunt.

Wish granted.